[ 31122006 12.49am dumps.muji ]

in the past week or so... things have just spiraled downwards... i think its been my lowest time this whole year. fitting that it should come at the end of the year.
whatever i might say, in the end, i admire your ability to make such a decision. its not easy, but then, neither way would be easy. i was just getting to know you better. it does seem such a waste... the internet makes the world smaller, you'll always be with us, and perhaps be a better host from now...
but things will be different. i can feel it already.
but you'll always be with us.
don't forget us. 2 years is nothing.
zEnItH`xMusiCa

the gorgeous rain is my only consolation this season of problems.

[ 20122006 11.08am tests... ]

got this one off cyn's blog. it couldnt be more contradictory...

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when everything is uncertain, one moment heaven... the next moment hell. You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is 100%. You are not suited for a monogamous relationship. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

this one sounds quite true though...lol..

You Communicate With Your Ears

You love conversations, both as a listener and a talker. What people say is important to you, and you're often most affected by words, not actions. You love to hear complements from others. And when you're upset, you often talk to yourself. Music is very important to you. It's difficult to find you without your iPod.

How Do You Communicate?

[ 14122006 10.13pm photo entry! ]

this is gonna be a boring photo entry, cos i'm out of words. sorry for those who frequent the asterisk* zEn†h blog too, i know you're gonna see some duplicates. however, there are also some unseens... anyway the pics are all at www.gxleague.com many many more of the event too!
these were pics taken at zouk out, siloso beach sentosa, but not at night, in the day, at GXL finals @ the singtel booth.

me shan renewious ice

xMusiCa ice LuX ToFuBoI and a barely visible Ant

ant me 4 extras ice

kelly me shan
black blue pink

[ 10122006 12.55am yo to the world! ]

hi ppl, ok i know i havent blogged in a long long long time... i've been pretty caught up with the asterisk zenith blog recently.
anyway, i HAVE THE CHAOS GREEN RAZER! however i dont think i will expose it to the world... cos i've decided to use it on my desktop at home.

i caught be with me, by eric khoo recently. thanks! =)
its nice to see how the stories merge... however, parts of it get a little weird... there's barely any dialogue, conversing is done through msn, sms, "hand language" (cos its not really sign language, and i dont know what its really called...) etc. and somehow, i just cant pity the fat man as much as you, he was really unlucky to be at the wrong place at the wrong time, just when he resolved to expose his feelings and all... but... well... its just too bad for him...? the lesbian chicks are pretty hot though... but that gave the movie the m18 rating. i do think that jackie could have handled things better. i mean, wanna break, then break properly la, dun lie and avoid it...

vivo city is pretty cool. its HUGE for one, i finally took a peek there after GXL finals at siloso beach, sentosa, today. theres a nichii fashion branch!!! woot... a cheap outlet for pretty decent clothes that i discovered in msia. sorry to the guys who waited for us gals while we were deciding... haha... <3 u all.
promise we'll go there without you the next time.
theres also a pet safari there... limited pets available though. dogs and hamsters and rabbits only...
all in all though, i'm going back there to check out the shops properly... the rooftop terrace was cool too, albeit crowded. esp on a sat night. we were pathetically eating out there on the floor cos the foodcourt was full and tofu wanted to eat the fried hokkien mee..............

i might swear, if i could, that SIM LIM SQUARE IS EVIL. went there yesterday evening to this fabulous little shop called TECHDROME, which is the epitome of all evil. made me super covetous...
rawr at
1) the green razer db...
2) icemat audio
3) razer keyboard
4) raptor mouse cord clip

lol... WANT SO MANY THINGS FOR WAT! IMPROVE UR DOTA FIRST THEN TALK!

*grumble*

ok. brain officially fried from lack of sleep.

[ 26112006 12.56am tiring.day ]

this is for joel from np:
"what do you learn from dota that you use in real life" (sorry i cant remember it word perfect)
1) teamplay - you needa get along with your teammates both in game and out of game.
2) communication - to resolve problems and make sure they dont happen again.
3) discipline and time management- especially when i was still studying, i needed to prioritise when to relax and when to really mug.

***

for the record, i'm not a good dota player. and i'm not being humble. i measure myself against the best, and i wont claim to be even 1/100 of their standard. so all you people out there who are under the impression that just cos my nick is well known i must be good, think again pls!
its scary to be thought of as good, cos that means i have to live up to a standard that i havent earned. -_-"

***
shes such a SLUT. the way she throws herself at you just to get attention. its just so CHEAP.
bitch.

[ 24112006 12.13am hairrr ]

i went for a hair seminar / hair show thing a day ago... and... well... i dont really have much to say about how my hair looks now... the top part is streaked ash, and the rest if my hair is jet black (YAY! i like black hair)
thats the colour. as for the cut, its mostly left the same... just that the fringe is chinadoll and frames my face, and theres two layers to it, the coloured layer then a band of jet black below.
ok. npnt.




anthea on the left and i'm on the right.
she had purple streaks done as well as a partial perm














me side view. keeping warm under a towel.

can see the ash top layer and the under layer of hair. nice contrast. but hard to maintain... have to style. Oo. and i'm LAZY.

[ 20112006 12.45am ... ]

yes i'm grumpy.
i'm also hurt and pretty disappointed.
and yeah, i know u dun give a flying f***.
i guess sitting on the fence does hurt after a while.
but conscience wins out in the end.

never realised what you meant to me.

speak to me when you feel like it.
for now i'm just taking a back seat.

if you dont, i guess i'll know what we are.
and what all these months meant.
not a threat, just a sad realisation.

would have been really easy for me to just lose it totally.
but i think you're worth the better side of me.

in the end, ball's in your court.
save it or leave it.


<3 *

[ 16112006 3.50am oh wow! ]

and i dont mean world of warcraft. i mean it as an exclaimation.
looks like asterisk-zenith site is picking up publicity, unwittingly!
http://www.dotasg.com/forums/showthread.php?t=347
heres the article that kel posted about the blog, its currently on the front page of dotasg.com
go take a read if you're feeling bored! but i guess that most of you would already have heard about it.


***

on another note, been working for the singapore motor show... and its been... well... more or less uneventful. some eye candy... but mostly of the half giantess breed kind, tall and large boned. *scAry* and i'm taking 180+ or at least high 170s, with heels. i dunno... i'm more for the petite slender kind... large women kinda send me running.
and, before u misunderstand, i'm just a promoter. i close sales (and get commission), something u wont expect a model to do. so I AM NOT A MODEL. too ugly and short to be one anyway.

***

on yet another note, i might do a hair show, work for big boy's toys expo, and i'm definitely commentating for SITEX 2v2 dota matches.
tiring days up ahead = few entries. zz!

[ 13112006 5.34am inspirationless ]

my muse seems to be in hibernation.

could be due to the fact that my life is very busy now!
and that i've set up another site. for asterisk* and zEn†H
www.from-a-to-z-.blogspot.com
a page for us to rant about useless everyday happenings. lol!
by request of xMusiCa. keke.
go take a look and bm/comment/bm/leave a tag/bm us!
=D

[ 05112006 9.57pm first post of the month ]

i will not stoop to your level!

***

i love my gals... so much! lol... first games of the gxl season 2, hope u all had fun! i would have, if not for my splitting headache. growl. i'm so weak. i'm gonna die young. good for all the people who hate me i guess.

***

been rather mia online... well, working in a bank means that i cant surf much, and that i'm blocked from many sites and programs. its been ok work... the kind i guess i could live with doing.
kinda miss the skype sessions and match after match after match.
oh well.

***

finishing up harry potter... i'm traumatised! cos after this book, i have nothing in mind to read anymore!

***

God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change

courage to change the things i can

and wisdom to know the difference.~*

[ 31102006 12.01am . ]

i've always hated and despised those guys who have one arm around their girlfriend, their nose in her ear and their eyes staring straight down my shirt.

[ 24102006 1.14am super shacked out ]

with all the petty nonsense, early mornings and late hours, and the long days.

somehow my tagboard died on me... i think tagboard.com has officially folded. i'm not sure though... pretty sad cos its seen me through since 2003. oh well! move on ftw! so if any of you have anything burning to say, just post it in my latest "buzz" after each post. its my comment tab, in case u suaku's havent realised yet. lol.

anyhow, hope u all had a good laff at the stupid pics. lol...

and... selamat hari rayaaaaaaaaaaaa!
cheers to public holidays!

i meant it all, and every part, and every word right from the start~*

[ 18102006 11.04pm zion net compie ]

was back a few days ago, big thanks to dawn and bryan, bryan's cousin and dad for the speedy trip back. really helped a big deal!

so... here are the photos, some at least, that i took.
background on the compie : it was held in zion net lanshop, a 24 hr lan shop in klang, that a place roughly 1hr drive away from kuala lumpur. pretty quiet place, from what i saw, at least. famous for its seafood!


pic of the zenith gays, from left, ant, (dotrk aka weelong in background, and 2 random guys i dunno who...) tofuboi in his headsets, musica with a fish (wee! fish!) face, gps who looks like he's on a rollercoaster, and ice who looks like he is day dreaming.

so those are the cool guys, lets move on to something cooler tho...







and that something cooler is... shan! in shades and hat stolen from musica!
V^^

yeah, shan was along with me on the trip to. thanks to her for protecting (raping) me in the hotel room and keeping ice out! =p












from the left once again, bryan (dawn's bf), dawn aka pinksheep, kelbro, sitting down we have jb (mi2) with his brown blonde hair, and seduction (mi2) looking kinda shacked out next to him in the corner.

yupz, dawn and bryan, as well as the team manager of mi2 - kelbro, were along too!








here's a pic of GPS, holding the 5k ringgit prize money with the solid glass trophy in the background
all in 50RM notes!
















some random funny pic that i took of a packet of banana bread...
presenlty my phone wallpaper... lol.















picture of the lanshop, well lit and cheery, the kind of place that makes u forget time of the day. taken from the very back of the lanshop. this is actually only half its capacity, on the right of the picture, theres another section which is just as large, separated from this arena by a wall.
many many thanks to the organisers, ernest and lau who gave us media tags which allowed us into the gaming area.
not just that, they treated us all to seafood dinner and they even drive us to and fro from locations. talk about GOSU HOSPITALITY!



this was the dinner i was talking about. seafood! musica on the left, ernest (aka tay yan wei i think... i only memorised his hp no... ) and lau in blue looking thoughtful...












another funny sign, this one taken of a list of "prohibited actions" that was pasted onto the lanshop glass wall...
GG or!











dawn took this candid pic, we're all not posing... then she named it "hot babes from klang"
i think she's referring to the hot BABE on the extreme right in grey... LOL!
accidentally caught in the act of owling!











in all, it was a great trip, and i spent so much less than expected cos of the superb generosity from the malaysian hosts!!!!!!
to quote ant, where can u find such organisers who would make so many exceptions for us?!

malaysia ftw!!
<3

congrats to the winners of the compie, zenith in first, cybertime in second and winternight in third place.
mi2, jia you! theres always a better compie!

[ 16102006 1.54am back! ]

just back from malaysia, zion net compie! of course zenith is victorious =)
was a fabulous trip.... with my gals!

finally have a face to the names of zicken and paulyan.
owe me a yum cha trip!

btw, i havent pword locked my blog... i dunno why that thing keeps popping up, think its from my tag board. lol...

anyhow, some hot blogging on tml, when i recover from butt ache after sitting in vehicles for so long.

ta~

[ 30092006 3.44am as expected... ]

yeah... i got scolded for the pics! lol... but well... i already KNEW i was gonna get scolded. haha!
anyway, who is MR ji?!
hi to you anyway!

been working at eg, and going to my sister's shop to help out tomorrow, or rather later today.
and i got a temp job at credit suisse bank... wonder how that will go... formal everyday sounds... scary.

***

i almost hate the way my blog is becoming a place for me to recount my days' happenings.
but well, at least it isnt a billboard proclaiming hidden messages to other people. (haha... is this a hidden message in itself? ^^V )

***

dota has become a fun thing to me now... its cool to yell over skype, and training with the gals is so much more fun when we squeal together and irritate the hell out of the guys in the room. lol... rather than emoing over performance...
> dont lose sight of what is important, gal! <
been seriously o2jamming alot recently... banging on the keyboard, although attracts furtive / alarmed stares from the people around, relieves an enormous amount of pent up feelings.

***

a bit of tiny inspiration from whats been happening over the past couple of days... its very interesting to hear different sides of the same story sometimes... i guess its even more so cos i take a neutral stand to things, and it can sometimes sound like two different stories, totally. sometimes i wonder why people bother to twist a story to their point of view... i mean, are they trying to win votes to overthrow reigning dictator or something? so what if they put another person down and make themselves look better ? in the end, everyone has their own eyes and brains to figure out how everyone is like and what the truth is. if they really want to bother to, that is. yeah, i mean, does it really make you feel that good to do something like that... so what if you "win" in the end... is the bad blood worth it... to feed your self righteousness... to feel justified...
i dont know. i'd like to say that i'm 100% as long as i can answer to myself, FC the whole world. i'm generally like that, but there are certain people who i do want on my side... people who i actually DO care about.
balance! assert your viewpoint, in a neutral way, and let people use their own eyes and brains ftw!
=D

so i tend to take bitchings with a LARGE pinch of salt... until i have my own certain point of view, i'm just keeping my eyes open and watching my back.
on the other hand, it WOULD look like i'm some lousy two / three / multi - faced bitch, cos i'm able to sit on the fence for long periods of time. the pickets dont seem to bother me.

***

okaex. nitex. i doubt my sis wants a zombie in her shop tomorrow.

[ 26092006 2.41am cam-whoring. as they call it. ]

i hate the term personally, but i think that if i don't refer to it as such, no one would understand what i mean. so much for these new kitschi terms. or however you spell that other new fangled word.
anyhow, savour this post cos its one of the rare many thousand words kind. (y'know, a picture says a thousand words, so many pics = many thousand words... ? ok. nvm. )

went to my sisters shop over the weekend to help her clear old food stocks. (like she really needed help like that...) and took the opportunity to take some pics with my mum and her around the shop with enormous sun glasses on. lol... aviator style. going at $38 per pair.






yup, so thats my momma and i, sitting at my sister's cafe table. i look like a furry owl... (yar rite, wish i were that cute.) mum looks a little straggly cos i was retaking pics trying to get the best angle + lighting...









me taking an artistic pic from the reflection in a large mirror on her shop wall, can see the wallpaper which i hand coloured with markers! and various other super buyable objects. lol...
i have my mum's smile... i think.
and i look some spec(no pun intended... REALLY!)tacular fat or.






some random pic of me in Ant's specs... lol! hes so blind that he doesnt know where the camera is. ok i'm like quite blind too though... cos his highly powered specs were killing my poor perfect sighted eyes... think super stretched lens being pulled tightly by the muscles in my pupil trying to figure what the toot happened to my vision.
<^^ ok actually kel really wanted us to take this pic, cos i just cut my hair and he said ant and i looked alike, and that ant could be my older bro. horrors!

[no killing me after seeing this next pic pls... ]

and lol! some funny pic form idshaggy keke.... all the way back from avalon finals. rofl... i look like a rabbit! lol... a rabbit that just stole a bag of food and trying to act innocent. TT"
ajax, me, ice, floor, gongzu and i dunno who... looks like thomas?
ajax is like just punched someone and rubbing his fist like it hurts...
floor looks like some ah mah nagging and pointing his finger at ajax... haha...
and no comments on ice. `cept for LOL!!

***

ok signing out for now. just got a bunch of gosu chinese and canto songs courtesy of paulyan`. thankz yo.

爱我却不能给你我全部~*

[ 22092006 1.19am omgosh?! ]

training today... woot. long time no see the gals. <3 u all.
=D
and the guys had a sidebet match. woot!
and lux treated me to teh ping! woot woot!

anyhowz, been invited to try out for a gals cs team... thinking about it kinda makes me feel stressed... cos... how to handle two competitive games + teams. gal team somemore. somehow gal teams have many many politics.

i'm curious! i wanna know! but i'm not gonna ask! the answer will appear at my footstep!

oh yeah... skype ftw. its super fun to conference call and yell over dota matches!
comfortable headset + mic required too tho...

shanu is in ns!!! he went back in alr... TT" now all the #mVp offenders will have free run of the channel...

[ 14092006 9.42pm rare.inspiration. ]

they say singapore lacks night life. i say, think again.
if the clubbing scene, or the overnight lan available doesnt count, there's always the neighbourhood 7-11 where you can observe the REAL singapore night activities.

the bleary eyed middle aged man in a greyish singlet, probably with a pot belly, stopping by for a can of tiger beer, newspapers tucked under an armpit...
the better dressed, slightly younger man, tousled hair, dashing in for a quick take home snack during halftime...
motorbike "mina's" and "mats", helmet dangling from their forearm, sipping big gulps and eating potato chips from the back of their propped up bikes...
teens having a late night chat, sprawled on the floor / available sitting area outside the shop, armed with still-cooking instant noodles and chopsticks...
guys in caps and skateboards / skates / bicycles, canned drinks and sweets to one side as they jump and clatter around attempting to do stunts...
and of course, the friendly next door prostitute dashing in for a large pack of durex. -cheeky grin- seen before ok!

this, my friends, is the real singapore nightlife, taking place at countless outlets, everynight.

[ 07092006 5.56pm petition ]

http://zenith20.blogspot.com/2006/09/petition.html

check this out. its a petition to throw out the catholic high principal.
though a couple of the teachers and students involved have replied asking for the matter to rest, and defending the school / principal, i agree with the general sentiment that there has to be something going on before a student would be so moved to kick up the fuss. i have a feeling that the forced donations in red packets were the start of things... money has its way of hitting a strange spot with most ppl.

makes me recall the time when carmee lim was replaced by deborah wong in RGS... man... we were sad.
carmee lim was just this super ball of inspirational energy, she was so dynamic, to the students, at least. i cannot say that i know how she was to her colleagues in the administrative position. but seeing her progress in the news every now and then since she moved on, i really have to commend her on her love for education. too often, we become numb and lose sight of what we really have a passion for...
its one of my regrets, that i couldnt be under her for a couple of years more...

[ 07092006 3.14pm sigh. ]

in the end, i still think its my fault.

***

-wtf mode lives up to its name.

[ 05092006 11.59pm sigh. ]

the flowering trees are blooming again... its that time of the year...

memories.

[ 04092006 2.19am scared. ]

i cant sleep. my sleeping times are just too out of whack again. all over again. its not like i'm forcing myself to stay awake as i sometimes do.
plus i have super stiff shoulders. just too tense for my own good.

suddenly scared cos i dont want history to repeat itself.
i think i might kill myself this time round.


just took a look through the screenshots, drawings, photos in my lappy... so many memories. it all makes me smile... mostly.
finally getting a little dozey.. at 3am. GG. nm. means that i'll sleep earlier at night, i hope, so that wgt on tues will be ok...
shall proceed to catch up on bleach. i'm at epi 60 odd... zz.
no one is allowed to spoil my story. i shall have a mood bad enough to create a tornado strong enough to wipe the world out.

[ 03092006 1.13am time... ]

already its september... 3 months more to 2007. 13 days to my mum's birthday. next year... i dont know if i should greet it with joy or trepedition. shit.. something tells me i spelt that word wrongly.
its quite scary to suddenly realise your sister is almost 30 years old... omgosh.

somehow life isnt the same anymore. a few months back, everyone was rather carefree and all happy and cheery... so many things have happened since then... i rly... well. just enjoy the memory of days past i guess. new memories will be made. why long for the past.

went to hougang suki last night with lux ant tofu (who nearly threw up after gorging himself silly) shaun eter hiro and ice. lawl... ice and i got there around 855, in time for last orders for the buffet. so we ordered like siaoz and spent the last hour eating it all up. haha... 8 servings of salmon sashimi pls?

got distracted from blogging by this link which was posted in dN* http://kawaiigurlworz.blogspot.com/
read at your own risk. your eyes, that is.
its hilarious cos it makes fun of those KawAiI aLT CaPpErs wHo TYpE eVeRyTHiNg LikE ThIs aNd HaVe hAlF a bRaINceLl. the asian version of the dumb blonde. lol.
actually, i hope it makes fun of... i hope she/he isnt REALLY like that. omgosh! *sudden panic*

[ 31082006 2.43am just had to share this.. ]

I meant it all and every part
and every word right from the start
i’ll never let this love fall in the middle
‘cause you know you broke the hardest part
you know you broke the hardest heart
i’ll never let this love fall in the middle
through it all
..
no parachutes or safety nets here
one foot on the water to face these fears
coming out strong like i can’t be wrong
i said eh, i wont fall in the middle
..
and i’m gonna be alright, i’m gonna be alright
with you by my side
and i said i’m gonna be alright, i’m gonna be alright
with you through this fight
through it all i meant it all and every part
and every word right from the start
i’ll never let this love fall in the middle
through it all

in the middle by mat kearney (edited)

***
i found this song through http://www.pandora.com
its a site i really recommend, it matches songs that u like with similar songs from their database. and they are mostly accurate. it helps find new songs, which sound like your old favourites! love it!

[ 30082006 2.13am thoughts... ]

why bother with photographers at events... when all they do is block the view of the audience, just to share pictures of the event with them after the event is over...
how much of a memory could it represent since the event itself was blocked!

***

went for acupuncture today. its some gosu weird pain, the insertion of the needle isnt anything much, she just tapped the top and popped it into the flesh. it was the... twisting of the needle, making sure it hit a nerve that really felt... strange. the pain is the auto cry kinda feeling, so my mum handed me a tissue.

***

somehow i feel the team isnt ready for wgt... argh... we gotta train up and make it to top 16! gogo!
and damn you cloud! how could u actually put that kinda team name... *traumatised*

***

for anyone out there who is interested in antique furniture, lifestyle stuff, jewellery, retro wallpaper, fabrics, basically lifestyle stuff that caters to the niche market kinda thing, go check out my sister's store at haji lane. its called PLUCK and it and its products was featured in various magazines and newspapers. i'll pop a few pics on if i have the chance and time to. it'll be serving up tea, coffee, and island creamery ice cream too... their teh tarik, horlicks, burnt caramel, reverso flavoured ice cream are some of my favourites. in addition to other snacks i guess.

***

some last thoughts for the night...
i appreciate you. for all the trouble you go through for me.
i appreciate you. for taking over just when i need the break.
i appreciate you. for keeping my spirits up just when i need it.
i appreciate you. for being my pillar and my joy.
i appreciate you. for being the stabilising influence in my life.
i appreciate you. for always believing in me, and thinking the best of me.
i appreciate you. for sticking together thus far.
i really really appreciate you. all these yous in my life. each you was written with a different person in mind... or persons... mostly. maybe only a couple overlap...
you all rock... and i thank God for all of you.

i stand complete with you~*

[ 27082006 5.38pm the oneS that got away ]

went fishing on the bedok jetty on fri night. was supposed to be joined by various other people, who all decided to pangseh in the end. but its ok. it was a fun night !
cept that...........

i left my line tension low and was just walking around then suddenly my reel started singing. so i scuttled back and found the tension dial popped off and my line was in a mess, in addition there was a hard pull on the line. so i was like ahh ahh ahhhhh pop the dial back on straighten out the line then start reeling. by then the fish was under the jetty swimming the other way... and it was pretty strong. line snapped cos it was rubbing against the corner of the jetty...
so... sian. gotta retie my rigging and untangle the reel.... and lost a fish.

then! i got a strange drag on my line that eased and slackened... so i pulled it in, it was like pulling a plastic bag in. and my neighbouring malay man's rod jingled as i reeled. ie, i caught his line...
so... i was like... ahh sian again...
pull pull... reel... suddenly this squirting wriggling thing pop out of the water, quite heavy and quite big.
an OCTOPUS. lol! i didnt pull it over the railing and it plopped on the jetty behind the railing as the malay man moved forward... to grab my hook cos it was tangled with his line.
so the octopus, wasting no time, scuttled back into the water after overturning itself.
there goes my lunch!
see, the ps ppl came, they could have grabbed a few tentacles and yanked it in for me...

in addition, there was an abundance of spiky poisonous yellow sea slugs. irritating buggers.
but it was a good night. ^^

***

saturday woke up late, and went to church anniversary celebrations. i skulked around outside talking to tengren for quite a while... feeling anti social. later went in to join the singing and dinner. mass satay or! then we had a short message, singing, dessert and more fellowshipping. it was great, shanci was back from cambridge too. somehow, these are the ppl i grew up with, and although we arent exactly in touch with each others lives, somehow, you cant get that far... havent chatted with them like that for so long... it was just great.
in addition to some... expose stuff! =x

***

just woke from a lazy sunday nap... waiting for dinner with the family...

against all odds~*

[ 24082006 3.06am pwned by egg! ]

was sitting at the bus stop today with ice after egames session with my wgt team + weeeeleeee cyn tallboy, waiting for THE BUS when suddenly, a vehicle, i cant remember what kind, passed by pretty fast. that was followed by a loud splat sound and some wet stuff on my hand. the people around me jumped up and began exclaiming loudly...
ice and i were like sitting there damn blur, tio fiend grip like that. then look down, omgosh ? someone threw an egg at us? and it like burst on his leg and injured his finger. ROFL. then the indian dudes around us were like @#$@#$@$#%$% cos they kenna all over their arms and shirt. the impact like hit ice's leg... ROFL... then the AOE was quite gosu... ROFL.
so i guess he'll finally send his jeans for washing... what a blessing in disguise! lol...

***

i suddenly feel quite onz abt o2ing all over again... its just the levelling up thats gonna be tiresome... i'd just like to pass the next few stages and skip all the levelling... =.=
thats what happens when u pia single room too long i guess!

***

had tea yesterday and that kept me up quite late last night. and somehow i'm not sleepy enough to sleep early tonight... dunno why... commentated at wgt smu today, after a short break post capl madness. no atmosphere... and the systems died halfway through, so ant and i were commentating to an audience who couldnt see the game. lol!
i wanna take a look at my recent VODs though... wonder how much of a difference there is...
yest was pretty cool, we hung out as a bunch again, after what seemed like quite a long time, not including the ms stint of cos...... lux, jb, cloud, ant, joe... after eG again of cos.

[ 23082006 12.39am the reason... ]

i finally have the conclusion, after almost a month's long wait. since my SIA medical on the 25th of july, i have been kept waiting... for this reply. i got it in a letter of rejection today.
for those of you who may think i'm disappointed, i'm not, relieved, yes, sort of, because i was expecting it anyway... my medical condition isnt that big a deal, its not fatal or anything... but i guess its a good enough reason for them to reject me.
i'm just quite intolerant of the fact that they kept me hanging for SO LONG. they were supposed to get back to me in about 10 days or so... but they dragged it for a month. and i can tell you, the wait was hell... i was so grumpy, partly cos of the uncertainty they left me in...
so yes, my answer is here, try not to ask me about it, cos i will tend to laspe into a spate of uncontrolled rambling.
right now, i just have to decide what to do with my life.
all over again.
through this 2 month long journey, i have much to be thankful for. for my first interview ever, i really made it through smoothly. and i have a new sense of self confidence. all through it, i have kept You in sight, and always entrusted every step to You. so, in the end, i know its all part of Your plans, Lord. and i know my life is in Your hands. i trust You. and i thank You for being there for me always.
and i also have you. and you, you and you.
thanks for all these other you's in my life who are always there. <3>

there is always a reason. in You, my weakness is made perfect.

[ 20082006 8.26pm droolz. ]

me : one jasmine milk tea, no pearl, no ice
aunty : jasmine milk ah
[hands over the drink]
me to ice : how come taste like toothpaste ah...
ice : she said is jasmine wat i asked her.
me : [realisation] o... jasMINT milk tea...

lol. lesson : no order this kinda thing at untested stalls!

***

i tawned! for the first time in months! on friday, at funan. kinda help test coms in preparation for kode5 which ended today. then we took the opportunity to play some dota games. before that, went to ms, havent been to ms in ages too! eat ourselves silly.
funan was warm.
but cool equipment, razer diamondback plasma!!! to see so many blue chio things there just gave me this super high or...
and the feel of virgin feet on my steel was just... oooh*.
=x
this is so not how it sounds.
lol!

***

forming a team for wgt. its kinda halfway there already. ok actually all i need is a last. i guess i just need to remember the reason why i wanna play competitive...

[ 13092006 12.25am stunned. ]

Mi-2. team name that will be etched in the history of the singapore dota community as the first team to break the 10 month beyond godlike spree of zEnth, previously known as mVp (team 1). semi finals of wcg. 12082006. as jy put it, i'm not stunned that Mi-2 won, just stunned that zenith lost. i wonder how it would have been if i was commentating that match, kel was speaking to me after the match and he was saying that as he saw the raxes going down, he was just blank. sitting in the audience, i believe my jaw was just hanging.

however, the important match of the day went terrific. zenith pwned phillippines team 129JB totally upside down. the match the whole of dotasg was waiting for, after various posts in the forums.

Mi-2 is now the only singaporean team in finals, they will be meeting Lz, a thai team which has a really unconventional strat. theres so much pressure on Mi-2 to hold the singapore flag high.

and, in the end, i think Mi-2 is mixed. i'm sure they are super happy to have unseated zenith, but on the other hand, they are all close friends. . . i'm sure theres a feeling of paiseh-ness going on. back in irc, jb was kping what people were saying in #wcg, about comments like "why they so stupid let the medusa farm", basically unhappy that they were finding a chance to call other teams noob.
as kel and i were discussing, we still feel zenith is the better team, in that they are a thinking team. to quote him "its like what ever you throw at them, they will somehow counter it on the spot."
at the end of it all, looking at that match, and the weeks prior to the match, Mi-2 really deserved to win. but i cant shake the feeling of sadness all the same...

***
a feeling of emptiness is setting in, in the wake of wcg. at least now theres still been events for 2 days after my wcg matches. but after sunday... its life in my face again. wgt coming up, but no more kel to commentate with... faced with the necessity of earning an income, saving $ and not playing so much. no goal to work towards, and knowing that might be the last competitive match i can give so much effort to. kinda breaks my heart thinking about it. i've always been heavilly involved in competitions, be they gym, sailing, floorball... computer games...

***

as for what you all may hear about the topic "legs" please know that its all not true!!! or at least, its not the way it seems!!! lol... to be certain, please check with me for the real story! somehow this feels like the story on the skadi-qop. grr.
for real story, pls contact me! lol...

[ 08082006 1.38pm nuaaaaaa ]

late night out + rain = nua the next day.

anywayyyy wcg is on friday. arrr! i have changed my mouse feet! my three footed mouse is running soundlessly thx to daryl ho's surfx feet. lol.
and i know this may be abit late, but feng, by jay chou is some gosu. 枫 - 周杰伦.

***
sometimes it has to take something really big to happen, before people wake up and learn to take things seriously... its just a pity that it has to take a misfortune before we learn.
"if you do that to me, i'll revive you and kill u personally."

***
presently : worried.
wondering what certain friends are thinking... =( and whats going on. dynamics can change so quickly and easily. perhaps what i saw was not really there in the first place.

缓缓掉落的枫叶像思念 为何挽回要赶在冬天来之前 爱你穿越时间~*

[ 04082006 4.15am no shit! ]

time flies. like crazy. a while ago, it was half a year to wcg. now wcg's at my front door...
anyhow, no more nonsense pls. no distractions, no shit until after wcg ktb! leave everything for the 14th august!
(which coincidentally is the date joie goes back home. but then, havent met up with her... only once, and somehow the bbq thing didnt go through... also, i'm just too caught up in things i guess. )
just thinking abt the things guys will do for gals. its really amazing. if there was any reason for motivation, its love, or infatuation.
love is the disease which makes even the meanest person alive stare adoringly at another person.
eyes are truly the mirror of one's soul...

anyhow, i guess we'll all lapse into a state of uneasy truce. for now at least, until something else comes up... enough drama thankz!

no assumptions here pls, you are not me, and you dunno what i'm talking abt exactly. u might be surprised to find out that i'm actually talking about something other than what u thought.
hah. so there.

havent been back home so late in months... i'm getting old... and i need my sleep! then again, i dunno how time flew today... three games over so fast ?

k nitex.

[ 01082006 6.04pm stability- ]

just looking out the window... at the temple. its a nice peaceful day... despite the action from the construction site...
light floods the room... darkness eliminated.

why does my heart feel so calm...

i guess it just feels good to know you can answer to yourself, and that you dont need approval from anyone.

***

and in pops some noise and food... so i'm out for now. no more inspiration.
>.<
i shall just have to get my inspiration to feed me...

[ 30072006 10.29pm eventful eventful!!! ]

the past few days have been super busy, and super eventful.
lets see... i have had 4 doctors appointments to clear my medical for SIA, now still waiting for them to give me the final call and stuff...
had capl commentating week3, wgt from wed to fri, gals training on thurs and fri, gxl on sat and sun, sgga gamersfest on sun. tiring or! but really many many events... so much so that i'll be glad to have a day off tml to rest and chiong game at home quietly...

i miss my gals... not my dota gals, i see them so often... referring to my jc gals... and i missed my class gathering. oh well. events events!

i have uber sore throat from mega long hours of commentating. but commentating is getting better! more fun more chemistry! and audience response is so good... it just makes everything great *=) >> happy smile.

***
anyhow, gxl, zenith wins (aka ex-mVp team 1), no surprise there eh. but the match was interestingly close. fun to watch! wished i was commentating... i love commentating their matches cos they always do weird funny stuff! esp tofu... LOL ksing spree! "why cant u all say that it was a nice finish by tofuboi, why must it always be a KS?!" quoted from him, abt kel's and my commentary on him. well, if you're tiny, and u get a dagon, and just zap for last hit... DUH its ksing!

***
sgga gamersfest was some fun, we played 4v4's cos char had wedding dinner to attend and stuff. somehow after watching ice's qop play gxl right before using it for the matches was super inspirational... cept for a small mistake that i made... (ok gals, no exposing anymore!) all i can say is, even after that mistake, i was still beyond godlike ok! 18 kills! (i can just hear ice saying "noob or..." but true lah. i noob. so how? wanna sue me?)
but we felt like... weird or! there were so many ppl taking photos... like paparazzi... lol then dawn was so distracted by all the popping flashes. and i was so self conscious... cannot kiao kar! i'm the super unglam kiao kar person, and i cannot play sitting properly... so. lol. but must image image abit.
like to thank chris and rachael aka Rf pink for the invite to the event!
also, hi to the rp gaming team, and team RpC i think. GG to you all!

***

weird is weird is weird. but oh well. got nothing much to say cept that i agree to shan's blog on weirdness. but things are as they are. its time to move on with life and chuang zao xin shi jie!
[X3M]asterisk* ftw!
must add tagline "game and nothing more."
put things behind and just get a move on ftw!

***
thanks to cloud, lux, dCdC for being there when i needa kpkb / tok / emo. lol... u guys rock lah.

***

phase of stability. happiness ftw!

LOVE THIS PIC TO BITS! its so cute tha i feel like decapitating it! and squashing it til it pops!

[ 20072006 1.36am some gosu bad mood or something. ]

ok. Now that the interviews are all over and stuff, I think its safe to blog about it. I have made it through 3 rounds, spanning 3 weeks, which consisted of :-
round 1 : group interview, kebaya test, 1 to 1 interview (which, for me was 2vs me, I dunno why…)
round 2 : swimming confidence test (jump from fake airplane into pool and swim), psychometric test, a beautician’s examination
round 3 : management interview (quakes in fear…), tea session

all this, because I applied to SIA to be an air stewardess. What’s standing in between me and the job, is my medical check up. After which, I can still be kicked out during the 4 months of training, or the 6 months of probation following the 4 mths of training.
This has been one hell of an experience so far… and I can only imagine how much more I might experience, should I really get the job.
Well… this being the first interview, and first job I’ve applied for since graduation… I guess I should be glad!

***

other than that, been commentating at capl, wcg sp and wcg nyp. Its been rather fun, especially when the crowd is responsive! Wcg nyp was great… and of course, I used [RGN] furryfish, not tammy… LOL! Its nyp afterall.

***

ok. Lets get to the bad mood section now then, shall we. Since it’s like, all out in the open, lets set up a Laundromat and show the world some gosu dirty linen. Yeah?

Let me begin with a quote.
“I thought we were all happily playing together. But why did so much things pop up all of a sudden. Or issit that i am too ignorant to see that you weren't happie. From the start to me u looked happie and contented like this is all u ever wanted. Maybe i was wrong. But i hope everything will be fine among us.”


Okaay. Let’s start with commitment now then, shall we.

Yes, there have been comments that the fire is dying. I’ve said that about myself even. It’s a fact, and I’ve not been denying it at all. I guess its easy to talk about commitment in the context where all is required to show it is attendance. SIMPLE ATTENDANCE. All the paper work, contacting, bookings, emailing, smsing, msning, of both teams involved, has been done. Even obtaining of subs for those who actually do bother to tell me early enough that they would not be there. Everything has been settled, just turn up, preferably, on time.
However, after all this is done, and all is left is just attendance, or a more prompt sms reply to show commitment, and even that doesn’t happen, well. Then I don’t have much to say.
After a few times of settling everything and not getting enough to help keep admin and organization functioning, well yes, of course the fire is going to die. Mine is, at least.

And if you really think that other than feeling committed to the team and just playing the game as a team is ALL there is to commitment, well, I’m telling you there’s a hell lot more.

A desire to improve

Who the hell wants to “deprove”, if there is such a word. Briefings are only possible if players come early. If players don’t even come on time, then well, no briefing is possible. Not in detail anyway.
Debriefings we have done, are usually about how we feel about the game, or some glaring mistake that we are just aching to point out again and again to another party. Mostly, emo stuff, if I may say. How much of what we actually say can contribute to our skills and actual game play. Nothing very much, I would say. Even if there WAS something, I do not think we would trust the advice given. Advice has to come from a higher order, proper debriefing has to come from someone else who can see and who is neutral and is not in with the emo thing. This is what I have learnt, and come to realize, after a few “debriefings”. Some people do have good ideas and advice, but the rest don’t listen just because the idea comes from someone less skilled. Yes? Admit it please.

Clan sponsorship

Clan sponsorship over a teammate. Well, if it were that simple, my answer is clear. Teammate.
HOWEVER, this has proven to be more than an issue of money VS teammate. Its about, let me put this abit more into perspective…
Teammate who wants to leave clan cos of issues with other clan people, VS
a sponsorship deal which is working out fine for the team, AND the rest of the clan.


Conclusion

I have spent sometime thinking through things, and this is my conclusion. For those who don’t know the full story, or only THINK you know the full story, pls kindly keep your BIG NOSES out of this. Thanks. And comments / tags, are to be left WITH your real name, or a recognizable nick, or they will just be deleted. If they are out of point, and just pure flaming, they will be deleted too.
So think before you type.

[ 07072006 1.08pm world cup ? ]

1/4 of the people watching actually like the game
1/4 watch cos everyone else is watching
the remaining 1/2 watch cos they betted.


***

some eventful week for me... life is particularly good now. and interesting too. ^^

[ 27062006 3.47pm dawn's theory part 2 ]

after some weeks of busy-ness and silence, heres dawn's theory on what men want.

Mischz says:
aiya men rite
Mischz says:
they look for 2 things
Mischz says:
1. big breasts
2. regular/sweet face
Mischz says:
can liao
furryfish InSanity-* says:
lol
furryfish InSanity-* says:
ok time to blog that
Mischz says:
LOL OMG
Mischz says:
..
furryfish InSanity-* says:
ROFL
Mischz says:
thats my impression
Mischz says:
although they always deny it
Mischz says:
Hmm.. actually hor.
Mischz says:
NO leh. They like those cute sort. demure, complying. figure nice is advantage. cannot be too tall <-- very impt
furryfish InSanity-* says:
k blogged
furryfish InSanity-* says:
lol
Mischz says:
=.="
Mischz says:
u find it amusing issit
Mischz says:
sg guys also sub standard .. << must blog this
furryfish InSanity-* says:
rofl
furryfish InSanity-* says:
k that i agree to
furryfish InSanity-* says:
like cfm agree to

lol... so guys... how true is this!

***
joie's coming back to sg today! after 6 years of not seeing her, and little contact... i'm actually gonna see her again...

***
on yet another note, CaLz is playing WL for our round 6 gxl. lol... maybe we should fix it 1-1. all X3M anyway!
k just kidding. we'll slug it out as usual... -_-"

[ 10062006 4.35am cute orrrrrrrrrrrrr... ]

the doraemon dinosaur... looks like someone i know.

cute orrrrrrrrr orrrrrrrr orrrrrrrrrrr...

[ 10062006 4.07am loler night ]

went out with a big group in two cars with a bunch of dota ppl, to changi village. just got back and stuff.
shan, dej, dawn, bryan, nic, hilary, kel, hero, daryl and i. and carol, the dog. we all gathered at egames, and waited for my shift to end (yes, i was working there today...) and for their games to end. then we zoomed off to changi village. had nasi lemak and satay for supper. after which we moved to F. U cafe (thats how its PRONOUNCED... in actual fact, its AIR FIELD cafe) and had drinks and chatted.

some loler stuff that happened...

dej talks abt how mVp multi clanners are given warnings and even kicked out of the clan.
ice says huh, i multi clan also wat... they never say anything to me.
dej replies matter of factly, you're important wat.
(to dawn's and my consternation... >.< )
dawn and i exchange pained looks... after which i exclaim, dej, WHY do you play to him... tell me WHY... u NOOB...

***

at the F. U cafe, daryl stands up to get us drinks.
me : dawn, wat u want?
dawn : err... green tea lah. who getting
/me points
dawn : o, but i dont want ice leh...

talk abt unwanted... LOL

***

also at F. U cafe
/dej playing with his shorts string in an obscene way
me : omgosh dej wat u doing...
dej : see how long it is lor... its getting out of hand.
me : @#$@#$@#
kel : later all the transies get the wrong idea! then they grab you into the car and drive off.

***

anyhow, shan is mean! she says i live in china. haha...
nm i still <3> her.

[ 06062006 6.54pm erg. ]

6606... nice date or... no wonder today feels like such an evil day. havent been eating cos i have a wicked sore throat thingy... complete with bloody phlegm. as in, phlegm with blood.
anyhowz, gxl has been quite a pain the ass for the last 2 weeks or so, lets hope it picks up from here.
ok time to cut the complaining. theres lots in my life to be thankful for. ^^
one of them being my beautiful diamondback which just feels so good to hold. lol... it looks so good sitting on my steelpad.
am i obsessed or am i obsessed. its been a year since i've had it, and i still fall in love with it everytime i take a look at it.
the past couple of weeks have been good, my parents have been laying off on me, somehow, like, just letting me do what i want. which is quite unusual. it feels ALMOST like i'm back in hostel.

okaay... there was something else i wanted to talk about, but i somehow cannot remember what it was.
havent tawned ecp + bbq for a while... lol...

O. bbq on monday night. how warped is that. just thinking abt jb's birthday bbq a few weeks back... lol...

bunch of compies coming up, lynx, vrzone -ar -dm compie, and of course, more gxl matches.

i need to diversify what i do with my life. i feel like my sphere of influence is way too small. and centred around too few things. i needa catch up with people. and eat some stuff. <-- ok thats cos i feel a little starved now.

[ 02062006 4.19am bus ? ]

gets on bus.
no money in ezlink.
pays 70cents, which is 15cents more than required.
uncle demands 90cents for the journey.
claims student-hood, therefore 70cents is sufficient.
uncle demands proof.
takes out student pass, shows photo.
uncle says (direct translation) open up big big for me to see!
dulan-ly takes the whole pass out, " you driving can see meh?!"
uncle finally dispenses ticket, reluctantly, after squinting at the pass suspiciously.

who asked you to be 190cm tall.
of cos uncle will feel like he's being scammed.

***

v6.33 is out. omgosh... lich attack range is nerfed! TT
tml = chiong game day!
as for gxl, the teams this week, have all seemed to have pulled out on us! ji dan gao or ?

***

pretty uneventful... eswc, gxl...
davinci...
OO... audition for shoutcasting. status : awaiting bryan's (productions guy) call.

[ 24052006 2.38am post game pre sleep ]

just had a game with maki kw floor and gz. and i'm really tired now, i have no idea why though.
gxl has started. 2 games per week to fulfill for the next... 2 mths? eswc this weekend, we're entering with a new team. i mean, same name, just that we have 2 new players joining for this compie us. wonder how it will work out. the weird thing about eswc is that it starts on friday? how do they expect students to attend it...

havent been hanging out with the kaldorei ppl... feels weird... if u ppl come read my blog... i miss u all! and i cant wait for hols so we can all hang out again. lol...
lol... somehow, can use com at home = no go out lan alr.
oh well~

past few days have been eventful and very tiring... i'm in a confused state... ok, partially confused state. and partially troubled.

and i have to meet up with shen soon... i havent seen her, or my jc bunch in like... AGES. SIGH. is this all my life is abt now? maybe i just need a job.
results come out on thursday at 3pm. i sense a pwned me...

parents should be back by next week... i sense a more pwned me... oh wellllllllllllll..

[14052006 4.01pm 2in1 ]

havent been able to open my browser / go online, so i blogged in microsoft word for my last two entries. decided to restart my laptop and post them today. lol...

[ 14052006 12.17am epic battle? ]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JB!! You are now eligible for M18 shows! Woot! And CLUBBING and SMOKING and DRINKING. All of which are BAD!

***

CAPL finals today at E2Max. All 3 mVp teams made it through. Team 2 lost first round against DSD and team 3 lost 3-4th placing againsT BOD. THE mVp team emerged victorious after meeting GoSu.rEv0, mVp team 3 and DSD.
The first rounds started off on a tense note, with the team 3 vs Mi-2 match lasting 2 hours and 45 minutes. Dej3cted was damn happy that he didn’t commentate on that match, or he’d have died a painful death. By the end of the game, the furion – played by seduction – had a total of 840+ creep kills. Delicious stuff.
Watching team 1 play is almost poetry in motion. Their backstabbing is constant and effective. As tofu says :
tofu : actually i think our team me ice and lux make a perfect combo. now have to train ant n gps must make them play more lux is not as good in the farming part but is the BEST at initiating, and channeling spells doesnt die alot goes ard bs and still gets his items
itachi : hes gosu
tofu : ice = half me half lux
cloud : tofu goes around feeding
tofu : i am pure me
tofu : farmer

The finals was full of energy! The only other time I have felt such energy was when ACJC used to face off RJC in rugby finals. The amount of badmannering and cheering at the spectators section was HILARIOUS. Nice moves and kills were rewarded with claps and yells, as well as taunts at the opposing team supporters.
All I can say is, mVp vs DSD was a match many of us have been looking forward to. They have somehow avoided meeting each other in competitions so far, taking part in competitions which the other team does not take part in. and Winning. Both teams were undefeated. But only mVp came out STILL undefeated. After claims online that they could possibly beat mVp, I think many in the dota community have been itching to see them walk the talk.
The draft
mVp – (second pick) bane, rk, pugna, syllabear, enigma
DSD – qop, lich, veno, naga siren, pandaren brewmaster
Very interesting draft, with DSD getting all the “hot favourites”.
Hero kills were more or less equal the whole game, with both sides backstabbing and ganging like crazy. The mVp team however, were a couple of levels higher and had better item builds. Lux’s enigma, I felt, deserved man of the match award. His gosu moves and teamplay are to be highly commended. ON FORM OR?!! Will remember the gosu nether swop to save ice’s veno from behind the sentinel tower, the gosu hero block which prevented the veno and panda from raping ice’s rk. Tofu’s pugna was one hella scary little monster, running around with a heart and engaging 2v1. ice’s rk farmed up and got double reaver – one heart one satanic. Even ant’s syllabear tanked with another early heart.
After an engagement which left the DSD team with red hps, mVp pushed and broke the centre raxes. From there on, the game was definitely one sided. Only mVp’s bottom 2 towers were down. All other buildings were standing.

If anyone says that dota cannot be a spectator sport, they should have been there to watch the finals. I tell you now, watching it is like watching any other sport. The energy and spirit involved pwns all.

Other memories from the finals…
… rk got ganged at sentinel middle creep spawn by at least 4 heroes, and the rk in real life was speaking to teammate telling him to stop getting ganged. After the rk died, dsd supporter shouts : ‘that’s the way to do it!!!!!” (referring to ganging)

… DSD naga siren sleeps 4 enemy heroes rendering them immune to chain frost from lich. And there were no other creeps around. ^^
me : sleep when the lich chained
tofu : LOL
tofu : OH YA
tofu : then bounce no dmg rofl
me : LOL
slyvanna : wa lidat he sure tio blacklist lol

oh well, epic battle…? DSD is quite strong, but somehow they still lack something… but I forsee that they can be quite a real threat to mVp’s monopoly. GOOD! More interesting finals to watch!

***

Its interesting how I have become an “mVp convert”. I used to sort of buay gum mVp people for certain reasons. But since the dsd guys joined mVp (ie, tofu, gps + lux and ant), I’ve started having a better impression of the people there. Well, maybe I just used to hang out with those people… and talk to them, even before they joined mVp… then slowly the other team / clan people appeared. And I guess they are all ok people. Mostly. Lol!
Anyhow, I support that team, not the clan!

***

Parents keep delaying the day that they want to go to Malaysia. Now it has become Monday morning. But that’s the absolute latest that they can go, cos they already have a reservation starting Monday.


[ 1201052006 4.38am ok. ]

Had gals team training tonight. I’d like to say that things we marvelous and that everything was sunshine and roses. All I can say is : welcome to the dark side.

***

There’s just these once in a whiles when you wonder if what you said was worth it all. Like, no matter how constructive you wish to be, sometimes you do slip. There’s a part in all of us that just wishes to lapse into the ‘wronged-by-the-whole-wide-world’ state and play the martyr. I fight it, but sometimes it takes over me.

In the end, I think it’s really just not worth it. There’s a lot of emotional points (you know, like hit points, and mana points…) that can be saved. The fight between apathy and honesty. And still it rages on.

***
opportunity costs and barriers to entry. Econs is just not my cup of tea. Maybe its cos its too much like real life.

***

I’m freezing.
My parents are leaving for Malaysia today, I think. They leave whenever they feel like it see… so I can never really be sure. And I think I’m gonna get a new phone later! Like….. finally. Now I can listen to mp3’s. [ just a thought, why do I keep calling the mp5 mp3… zz… imma noob. ]

***

just the need to write… and no internet connection. So… Microsoft word ftw!
Fighting the urge to create another entry which no one understands. But all I really REALLY feel like doing is… sitting by the beach. Yeah. At 5 in the damned morning.

***

I hate politics.
And I’m not referring to the PAP – WP – SDP kind of politics.

[ 07052006 3.06am i'm so glad... ]

for the FIRST time in the 18 years that i've lived in my constituency, the opposition has decided to contest the PAP's rule over it. and it just HAS to be in the year when i am JUST able to vote. oh well. it was quite painless and quick. efficiency ftw! and i'm damn glad that that PAP is back in power. it has been my private fear for the past feww days that the opposition will take over singapore. *horrors* i just do not think that any other party can do any better for singapore, at the moment, at least. and i support the PAP, what ever the rest of you may think.
***

today's events :
voting!
CAPL - mVp and mVp artemis (gosh, is that team2's team name?) are into finals next week
gals meeting and training match vs XsE ppl
jasmine milk tea without ice FTW!!! bracket3
walk walk~

***

i have a gosu song to intro all of you. its just gorgeous, her voice is just so... liquid and heartbreaking...
ah sang - yi zhi hen an jing 一直很安静
depressed kinda song... the type of song i like.
listen-to link : http://mp3.baidu.com/m?f=ms&tn=baidump3&amp;amp;ct=134217728&lf=&rn=&word=%D2%BB%D6%B1%BA%DC%B0%B2%BE%B2&lm=0
lyrics here : http://mp3.baidu.com/m?f=ms&tn=baidump3lyric&amp;amp;ct=150994944&lf=2&rn=10&word=%D2%BB%D6%B1%BA%DC%B0%B2%BE%B2&lm=-1

***

its come to the time in my life when i should think about what to do with my life... its kinda scary, like what i choose now... has LARGE impacts on the rest of my life... and i dont ever think i'll amount to much. so what if i'm from top schools and uni... it really.. doesnt matter. as my social work lecturer said, poly students are the entrepreneurs, they come up with the business plans and start running their own companies. then, they hire all you uni grads to work for them... i'm abit T.T about that. but well, its kinda true. all we know how to do is... study.

***

i've thought through it for a long time... and i really... really... REALLY... love my razer diamond back plasma. -_-'" lol!

***

i'm back home, possibly for good. cos i realyl do no think i will go for honours next year, unless my cap miraculously jumps up a few points. lol... being at home is good in its own way... at least i have someone to take care of me and settle my meals. someone to run to and talk to when i need to. ^^
although those someones are terrified of me coming back and leading horrible lifestyles and pissing them off, they wont ever not love me. =D

***

WCG qualifiers starts tml... or rather, today, at asteriods. and gxleague starts 22nd may. go to http://www.gxleague.com/ and register!!!

***

imma good mood and stuff today! if a little sleepy... *_* those bored ppl! go to youtube and search for hardgay english. GOSU FUNNY STUFF YO!






gosu comic. lol... this is something only a gamer can do!

[ 28042006 3.31am FINALLY. ]

blogger is finally working... omgosh... i have been wanting to write since... two weeks ago? one and a half? exams really make me wanna write more i have no idea why.
anyhow, heres what happened in the past... dunno how many days

- mVp cut hair outing! lol
- capl at e2max
- EXAMS!! LAST PAPER ON SAT!!! FREEDOM STARTS AT 11 AM!
- LAN session yesterday post soci of food paper + SUPER HEADACHE and unexpected bump into YOUAN.
- recent many studying sessions with paul, keith + co. and GIMMIE!!

k thats the rough... outline of my life since my last blog.

***
i'm aching for some good training sessions with my gals... its been WAY TOO LONG. (oh man, wassup with all my caps recently...)
been re-reading old entries... where did i find all that energy to be so creative...

considering trips overseas with shen...

i'm going crazy... i levelled twice in o2jam today... lvl 24-26. theres something... really good abt banging at your keyboard when you're full of pent up frustration and stress...

i never thought i could make good friends through gaming... somehow i've never really succeeded in making any that i've actually kept in close contct with... joel perhaps? but yeah... i dun think i could do without my present dota bunch...
lol this was a dp done for one of the little (stalker) flies on my web - my angel! O=)
just think that the little photo insert is gosu... TOOT NO. 1 FTW!



and this is my hair now. hurhur... black and blue... i match my mouse and mousepad, as well as my everglide keyboard. the next person who calls me an AH LIAN is gonna have some round things plucked out... there is a HUGE difference between LIAN and GOTH. and i am GOTH.



i love this shot... its us 3 rEv0s who have the rEv0 jersey... in a row... in the same position... with our nicks showing on our sleeves... TaC* FTW! egames compie dec 2005...
me! kiao kar-ing! my trademark position V^^



long long ago... gals showcase match at WCG 2005... september 11th. lol... sunday.
me, my teh, my old 6230i, my omni and i.

transcript of screenshot taken by ice ***

mVp)ice.on- : -.-
mVp)Dej3cted- : lol
mVp)ice.on- : OO
You whisper to your friends : OOOO
furryfish.rEv0 : hello?
mVp)ice.on- : hi
You whisper to your friends : MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT WITH FURRY FISH
You whisper to your friends : IC
mVp)Dej3cted- whispers : omg exposed
You whisper to your friends : K GG
You whisper to your friends : SCREEN SHOTED

its just funny in its own way... =)
think this was taken in... i have no idea when... but i remember the day. october perhaps? november? i can't remember... rofl...


E2Max new year's eve compie... me in my rEv0 jersey again and a super grumpy face i dunno y... dawn's bro on my right (oops i mean my left...), my bro ajax on my left (eek i mean my right!! i'm directionally spastic i think)... with tofu hiding behind him and cloud watching open mouthed at my gosu noobness next to tofu. eter behind my head with cz close behind him. crea in his super formal striped long sleeved shirt and gosu hair sitting with some unknown guy.
this compie... met hengky's team first round. lol or... played with dej, dawn, dawn's bro, and dawn's bro's fren.
interesting night it was... was wtfing when rEv0 first team met mVp, i mean... who do i support man... all friends!


hei se hui! 黑色会！！ all of us in black that day dunno why... and lux happily whipped out the phone while i was eating and being blur... check out my gosu hair and expression man... T.T candid shots for you i guess.
reminds me of the many days that the bunch of us went out to the paradiz foodcourt prior / post lan...

i am furryfish.

mehh~* bracket 3 many many!!

为你付出那种伤心你永远不了解

[ 18042006 3.41am madness* ]

yeah, thats me, as usual. mad.
i was extremely distressed when blogger couldn't log in, and my com started acting real slow. but its all ok after the restart... was panicking hard cos i really needed to write.

here's to an abstract entry.

there are just somethings i have to learn to get over i guess. not everything turns out the way you want it to. this phrase reminds me of click chico... lol... which reminds me of the "loyal to death" comment.
i am so off tangent. i am more off tangent than i am abstract.
i am in need of a walk at the beach.
anyhow, some things are expected, some things are unexpected, some things are better than expected, some things are as expected. some things are... a wake up call, some things are a challenge.
an identity, a deviant. who really cares in the end. you are just who you are. why are some things un-understandable, why is it so hard for another person to see what you mean.
things which are gone, won't come back again, thats the reality of life. a chance once past is always past. even if it knocks on your window, called opportunity, a second time, it will be another chance, not the same chance.
to bring up things which are gone, to do or not to do?
honesty as brutal and blunt as a broom handle, shall i mince thee and season thee with salt?
to all things that i care about, have cared about and will care about - let me down easy, so i can rest in peace after you're gone.
to work hard and aim high, to believe in yourself and those around you. trust is so hard. faith is even harder.
cynicism is what saves the heart from hurting more, the mind from sliding into InSanity-* .
expectations are so dangerous, its like how a flashbang is more deadly than a he grenade, cs speaking. they blind you to the reality of things, leave you in your own surreal world then when things clear, you realise you've been walking on a candyfloss bridge over a pool of sea urchins.
what is cohesiveness and where is the splendour of sharing with other lonely wanderers of this tundra, also called life. what is it that you want? what is it that you are doing?
a face you wish to see not, ever, of whom you wished to know of, never. the insatiable curiousity, with the golden opportunity.
a mouthful of wine and a jugful of beer, a scenario in a car so long ago, legs up on the dashboard, giggling tipsilly. promises made, then, and barely controlled anger, now.
common knowledge you should know, education to be administered.
the need to relieve this weight upon my overworked lump of muscle within my chest, so rest with a clear conscience, no regrets and to be purely happy, a wish for a lifetime. a wish for now. the tragedy of an overactive mind is insomnia.
light of my life... leave me not, for i need you like the couch potato needs his daily dose of MSG.
silver linings, silver pavements, silver rain, a silver sea...
a cup of roses and my morning tea...
to reflect upon my iniquities, to muster the courage to voice an admission. to take sherica's lighter and burn off my hair. [ o? where did that come from? ]

i lament the loss of my coherence and i am deeply sympathetic to those who part company with my blog entry scratching their heads in confusion.

then again, pardon my insincereity, for in actual fact i do not care.

i leave you in InSanity-*

"i like the way you say my name, in the middle of the night when you are sleeping..."

[ 06042006 7.13am wondering. ]

ever had the feeling that people think you're crazy because you game so much? why does gaming carry a stigma that sports doesn't? i mean, if you are involved in competitive sports, people dont say that you are addicted and postulate that you have a mental illness or obsession... but if you are serious about competitive gaming, you have to deal with being called geek and addicted and all that.

i mean. there is just this certain look, that people who dont understand, give you when u tell them you've been training ______(insert game name here). it is the omgosh i wanna laugh or is this person for real look. especially when its gals you tell. they'll be like... huh? game got so fun one meh? or some other dumb comment like that. TOO FEW PEOPLE TAKE GAMING AS A SERIOUS SPORT. think about it, when you tell someone, o i like to go to the gym, they would probably say something like... o wow, you're so healthy. theres a sense of... awe and admiration for the person because he/she is able to take control of his/her body. when you tell people you spent the last 4 hrs gaming, they would give you an almost tangible sneer, and you can read the words "you are so out of control of your life" across his/her forehead.

and i dont think that the time spent on the respective activity is very much different!

yeah. sometimes i just dont get it.
***

ok. i dunno why things stress me out. maybe i just have to have more faith? where does having too much faith and turning a blind eye meet? where is the line drawn?
i wanna stay far away from that boundary... but i'm really... really... running out of steam. exams are in 2 weeks time or so. and i really have to prioritise studies now.
postponement of caring. is that possible? maybe i should give it a try.
***

fell asleep doing readings. i hate waking up in the middle of the night to turn my lights off... and sleeping on books isnt exactly comfortable. but... oh well. at least i'm starting to DO some work. SOME at least.
thursday. sigh.

i can't take it anymore... this kinda life is killing me...

[ 04042006 9.30pm the past few days... ]

Didn't wanna want you

Didn't wanna need you so bad

Didn't wanna wake up

And find that I was falling so fast

Didn't wanna need you

Didn't wanna need anyone

Now look what you've done

***

nice song... marcos hernandez - the way i do.

tawned the training room on thursday and friday... thurday after the match and friday after more matches. zzz 30hrs no sleep (from sunday night 10pm til this morning 5/6 am) = 14 hrs straight of sleep needed. ROFL!

post X3M talk last night : -

been thinking over the leaving rev0 and kal thing. theres no REAL difference to my life patterns, except that theres a sense of exclusion. rev0's my first team, and seeing them move on and finally getting sponsors, yet not being a part of it, its a little strange. 10march2005.

the people in rev0 now tho... i cant say that i know them all. cos, there have been so many new recruits and stuff. even at clan bbq, i didnt know half of them. for rev0, i guess its just the nostalgia thing. cos i dont become a part of something for fun. and i have never LEFT a clan. for kal, things arent different, cos i've never competed in a compie with them, and we are still going out together. so nothing VERY much has changed there.

i just hate... leaving. i'm the to-death kinda loyalty... so this was a struggle.

the emo emo thing... is also something we all have to get over... i'm also guilty of it, but i'm gonna put it under control. but i can say, that i dont get offended by anything said to me in game. what ticks me off in game are excuses without trying. people who dont try hard enough and lousy teamwork! also ksing, on PURPOSE! like, dont spam spell or time purposely for last hit, just whack normally and let the last hit go to whoever it goes to by CHANCE. cos its the team win that matters, not the frags. also, if teammate times for last hit, that means u miss out giving the enemy hero a few hits, which might be the difference between a kill and a tp away, or a kill an back vs time for the rest of his team to come gang us.

ok. that felt like it was not easy to understand. but i'm not aiming anyone, its a... general kinda thing, like what i'm pissed off at generally.

***

fri night - we tawned after the matches, then had a team talk. i'm so glad that alot more things are settled, but i just wanna emphasize... honesty and dun take things to heart too much. trust each other as friends and teammates.

after the team talk, played a game, then went to mount elizabeth hospital to pick up hiro's car. k, i wont elaborate on that part in case i'm not supposed to. but that was like the first time i felt like my license was useful! drove back to the room. and after a game, drove 7 of us to hiro's house to zzzzz.. imagine the sight of lux, cloud, jas, shan, ice and hiro squashed into the passenger seats of the car! rofl... nissan sunny. i was like... omgosh if i get into an accident, i have to account for 6 other lives! lol... took a bus back from his place later in the evening.

***

the changing role of my blog - i realise that its becoming less of a place for me to reflect on issues and creative posts. its become a... log of my life. to a certain extent. its still impersonal, cos i dont publicise my life, but its got more of my day to day stuff on.

***

avalon round 2 - thx for the win gals! and thx to the support from behind - ice lux cloud. there is a difference behind mindless comments and useful help, and last night, it was helpful! <3>

thx to hero and demon too... for always being there to guide and to talk to, and look after the room and us! and for letting our friends overrun the room! =D dont think TOO much abt things.

[ 31032006 10.36am riding.on~* ]

riding on the high of winning our first ever match together as CaLz.X3M. all i can say is, i love you gals. and this is the reason why we will always be us five. what we build up together, we will not throw away easily. the next matches will not get easier, but i believe we will improve, individually and as a team. (boring - this aint no match review k... commentry, leave to hiro better!)

i'm especially proud of yandao and sher...
yandao : i'm so glad that u took my advice, i'm so glad that you can take what i say in such a good way! we WILL go from strength to strength, just take things step by step. changes are never easy... <3 and thanks so much for the vapourex... somehow the clan room just makes me cough tons... -_-
sher : i know somethings and circumstances aren't/weren't easy... just know that we're always here to give you that bear hug back k! i'm really proud of your last game gal, thank goodness for gab too yeah?

dawn and shan : thanks so much for sticking with us through the match(es) despite having sch and work the next day, and being sick. the commmittment you two put in is something that drives us on. well played gals, this is what makes a team!

***
the past few days have given me a different impression of the X3M ppl. the leadership is stable and committed. they think through things carefully, and they can handle things well. i wont mention events specifically (unless i'm forced to...), but i'm starting to really respect kel and huahero...
other than that, i find that i can actually connect and talk to the X3M people. mostly. well, at least those that i've talked to. discussions go further than just game analysis... it goes to team management, relationship issues, the community at large, clan issues... it makes me feel... involved. and really, it IS up to the members to involve themselves. their amount of sense of belonging is equivalent to how much of themselves they wanna give. i've only been in the clan for a week or so, but i'm starting to think that this could actually work out long term... =)

of cause, the pain of having to leave rEv0 and KaL... is still there. somewhere. and yes, its real and tangible.

***
been considering chionging standard games again... too much dota can get to you... but i love the team aspect of dota... i just.. love... it.
***

sorry for my super straggly update man... i've just gotten past my essay hell week, during which i still had to make time for team training and matches, and organisation and registration. i think i'm gonna have to rethink they way my team is handling things... cos in my busy times i'm not sure if i can manage so much.
***

to all of you who believe in us, lux cloud eter especially, i thank you, with my hand on my heart.
lux - i will keep my promise to you.

to the skeptics : JUST YOU WAIT AND SEE.

[ 19032006 7.12pm sick. ]

dotasg5v5 starts this week for me.
we are now x3m members. x3m.CaLz.
i needa go register for avalon. soon.

i have some kind of awful sinus attack. my fault i guess, late nights piaing essays last minute, for one. then chionging lan all night after 2 papers were in, just cos my body clock was whacked and cos i was suddenly feeling deprived.

good thing i managed to convince cloud to tawn, then he pei-ed me at irc and bm-ed ppl in game. lol...
cloud "hi rebecca!"
rebecca "who are you?"
cloud (me sleepily typing for him) "i'm your sex sch friend..."

its not my fault that "c" and "x" are so close together lor!

***
anyway. that was fri night.
been down to check out the inter-school dota compies, and managed to get the contacts of the chij gals dota team. *yay* its not easy to get a bunch of gals who are actually INTERESTED in playing dota competitively. skill can be trained up, as long as you are interested. INTEREST is the KEY. whee...

***
had family dinner on sat night, after which i got sick. so... zz. since then, i havent eaten anything but plants... and more plant juice... and more plants. and i dont think i'll be eating anything til tml.

***
2 more essays due... then its time to get down to some serious mugging... help me pls... dun jio me out to lan or play match too much. (yar right) actually, staying in hall is a natural inhibitor... cos the connection there is just too lousy. and anyway, playing from my laptop is just... too painful. graphics card lag pwns.

***
people are growing up so fast... my cousins... church friends...
scary stuff.
i cant believe that i've been alive for so long.

[ 07032006 3.45am on the contrary... ]

i do not game as much as you all think. admittedly, i spent 7 hrs at egames today, something i havent done in a long while. most of my lan gaming is one or two matches, then home. and i dont game on sundays, cos my mum will kick up at fuss at home. on weekdays, i dont game from hostel cos its just too laggy. see. i'm normal! so stop getting on my case...

***

met up with lux and ran off to egames at about 5... was feeling like shit. too many things on my mind i guess. and i tend to game to forget. kinda.
forgive the bad temper today =.=

***

have many deadlines coming up... i can do it. i can... slowly... but surely. just get it all done... then suffer one more month... and i'm out of school forever. how scary is that... i dunno if its something that i can deal with...

***

I'M NOT THE NYP TAMMY, SO PLS STOP HARRASSING ME, AND PLS STOP MAKING STUPID WISE-CRACKS ABOUT THE NAME ALREADY.
TAMMY IS A COMMON ENOUGH NAME, MORE THAN ONE PERSON CAN HAVE IT, AND IT DOESNT MEAN THAT ALL TAMMY'S ARE PORN STARS.

***

without trust, there is no love...

the jealousy will drive you mad...

why does my heart cry ?

feelings i can't fight...

You're free to leave me,

just don't deceive me...

and believe me when i say, "i love you"

[ 24022006 3.10am life. ]

life is more than dota. and one thing i like about going out with the dota bunch, is that we dont really talk about dota outside the lanshop. we only digress to dota when we're out in extended bunches, and post game.

contrary to what a few people have been thinking, i'm actually a little tired of the game. if some other affordable game comes along, i might very well just game-hop. what is keeping me there, is my team, and the fact that i've stepped into the competitive scene, with them.

i mean, i do get the urge to try out a new hero, or play a certain hero in public games... but more often than not, i end up getting frustrated and not bothering to play properly. i realise that the only time i actually like playing nowadays, is when i'm in game with someone and we super team all the way, or when i'm in a match. the game as it is, isnt enough to keep me there anymore... i think.

been forced to think about this issue for certain reasons... which some of you know. but i wont elaborate on why.

***

tonight was super fun. CaLz met up to talk and train. sher shan and jas made it, but dawn didnt. by some weird stroke of luck, i spotted jy with mantou and gang and we promptly hijacked her to fu house for a drink. after which, she stood in for dawn in our games.
i thought the day was gonna turn out bad cos it started with a misunderstanding... but things turned out fine. =) love u gals many many!

i'm feeling.. rather torn. we've been having offers... for sponsorship and stuff, but we are just not good enough. our selling point, is that we are GIRLS. it IS embarrassing to suck, yet be well known. i could think of easily 20 other clans that are better than my team, but they arent getting offers because they are guys. =.=

i was just thinking today... i'm permanently being called a noob, and i know i'm noob, so thats fine and stuff. but when i start calling myself a noob infront of the ppl who call me noob, i get scolded, and told to have more confidence and stuff. =.= total pwnage.

***

and by the way,
MY BLOG IS NOT A DOTA GAME REVIEW SITE THANKS!

***

wed night was a super interesting night for me too. Kaixiang went to pick shen and dong up from shen's cos they were watching tv there, and kx was playing tennis nearby. they swung by pgp to grab me out for supper and a chat. it was a hilarious night... i cant really remember what we all said, cos i was super tired after waking up early for social work visit in the morning. but it was super funny all the same... i'll remember to heart xiang in court when he becomes chief justice or something next time. LOL.

***

the group dynamics of a group who know each other well, individually, and a group where some people know one or two other people well only... are very different... just a thought... which might not make sense.