[ 13012008 9.29pm twist ]

so the day has arrived. my parents have just left for a month in New Zealand. surprisingly, i dont feel the great sense of freedom that their leaving normally brings. maybe its cos i have been having all i wanted already. it does however, give me great warmth and happiness to recall our parting hugs and sweet exchange... touching, in fact.
considering the recent unrest in the house due to my insistence on carrying on ruining my life and health, it was just the healing i needed to hear as my mum hugged me and told me she loved me so much... that i am, and always will be, the apple of their eye. (to which i retorted, are u sure its not the apple IN your eye... ie. a nuisance, for my more dim witted readers.)
up til now... it still gives me a shock everytime i take a good look at my parents, to realise that they are really getting on in age. how much of our time together have we wasted... how much more of the rest of the time we have together will we waste?
hopefully, not enough to regret.

***

the twist i felt in my heart was, in all honesty, tangible. its the knowledge that it could have been mine. mine to have and to hold... to cherish and to live.
but isnt.
how much are you willing to sacrifice for what you want.
this is what i want. it is what i am sure i want.
yet, the only thing i am totally sure of, i am denied.
i can only wait for the day that God chooses to unveil my eyes, and show me the reason why i had to walk the path i did.
and in true human fashion, i hope its soon.

one day i will look at this post... and i will go... "silly me... it was all clear to me, just that i failed to see it."